Tag Archives: sex

Astrology and Intimacy

OK, somebody asked me a question about Astrology and Intimacy, to wit: “Where should each Sign go to have intercourse?”

Here therefore are summaries for each of the twelve Sun signs.

Aries

Aries

Anywhere, as long as it is nearby.

Aries Lovers are direct and to the point – once they have decided they are going to have sex, they will not want to waste time going about it. In fact, once aroused, they will be downright impatient! Be sure that the kitchen table is sturdy, and the cushions on your living room settee are washable!

More seriously, this gives a great strategy for planning a romantic break with an Aries – wherever you go, always make sure the bedroom is no more than a short distance away e.g. a luxury hotel, etc.

Taurus

Taurus

Somewhere cosy and homelike.

Of all the signs Taurus is the one who values domestic stability, but more importantly: they want to get married and stay married for life. Therefore, if you have a sexual encounter with a Taurus, you can bet they will be mentally judging your bedroom along the lines of “Would I want to live in this? Can I get used to this?” If you are serious about romancing a Taurus, you will arrange your room and your home generally to give the overwhelming message This is what you can expect all the time in the future when our relationship blossoms.

For planning a romantic break, it should be the sort of place that your Taurus will want to go back to every year, e.g. to celebrate your anniversary.

Gemini

Gemini

Somewhere stimulating. A Gemini is likely to be very impressed if you have a full home entertainment system installed in your bedroom!

Cancer

Cancer

Somewhere which affords privacy.

Cancers tend to be sensitive souls. As a crab likes to retreat into its shell when danger threatens, so a Cancer native will want somewhere where they can feel secure. Pick your venue where you are least likely to be disturbed by e.g. neighbours, house-mates, family members, fellow holiday-makers, etc.

Cancers also like photographs, antiques, and curios, so these would make ideal bedroom ornaments.

Leo

Leo

Somewhere with mirrored ceilings. 😉

Virgo

Virgo

Somewhere neat and tidy. It should be clean, well presented, with everything in its place. Make sure you do the housework thoroughly before entertaining a Virgo in your home!

Virgo-natives themselves tend to prefer the simple and down to earth touch when it comes to décor (so they are quite literally the polar opposite of Pisces – see below).

Libra

Libra

Somewhere which is both interesting and romantic. A bedroom decorated with works of art or other features which stimulate Libra’s sense of aesthetics. If, however, you asked a Libra’s opinion on the matter, they would probably say “Oh, anywhere, I’m not fussed.” Partly because they naturally like to avoid arguments, but more importantly they want to stop wasting time discussing, and get straight down to it!

Scorpio

Scorpio

Somewhere which affords privacy – but is fully equipped with satin sheets and even saucy toys. A red room a la Christian Grey, in other words.

Sagittarius

Sagittarius

Sagittarius-natives like travelling, so ideal places would be whilst on a romantic cruise, or in the middle of an expedition or camping holiday. Possibly also the Mile High Club or the back of a decent people carrier.

A Sagittarius also likes a good party, so somewhere with a party atmosphere would make an ideal date. Your humble author cannot say whether a Sagittarius is most likely to put out in the middle of a party itself, but he will attempt to take a straw poll of people’s signs when he next attends an orgy (all in the name of research, of course). 🙂

Capricorn

Capricorn

Somewhere with a fire-escape – so that their lover can make a quick getaway before the Capricorn’s spouse comes home!

Aquarius

Aquarius

Somewhere unconventional. Aquarius-natives like a lot of space, both literally and metaphorically, and don’t like to feel boxed in. Large airy rooms are therefore ideal, or even al fresco.

Pisces

Pisces

A fantasy location. When planning a honeymoon or romantic break – a Cinderella like castle. Or, on a more day-to-day basis, a bedroom decorated with a dreamy, romantic theme. Luxury jacuzzis or even a water-bed would not go amiss.

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Bad Sex In Fiction

Goat

J/S

The short list for the 2014 Bad Sex In Fiction Award has been announced, and luckily I am not on it. However I am bemused to find that an author I have lionised on this blog as a future contender for the Nobel Prize In Literature, Ben Okri, is! I am further bemused when I find that the passages quoted by the otherwise normally reliable Daily Telegraph do not appear to be particularly objectionable, so I assume that the Literary Review, who runs this reward, has issued this calumny against a Brother Author because they feeling abnormally prudish.

This has inspired me to write a special blog post, departing from the usual Occult theme, in which I discuss how to really write bad sex in fiction! So that my fellow authors can avoid doing so, obviously.

Alex’ Guide To Bad Sex In Fiction

Now the first and most important question is: Is sex necessary in this story?. This may quite justifiably be countered by: Is anything necessary in any given story? The answer to both is the same: if it is necessary for Character Development, and thus Plot development, Yes, if not, No.

This, incidentally, is why of all the sexual encounters that might possibly occur, the least appropriate in Fiction are those between a happily married husband and wife. It being assumed that happily married couples have sex on a regular basis, for them to do so in a Fictional novel is hardly going to provide any new instance of character development – thus it is completely gratuitous.

If, however, there is something unusual about the episode, then that it another matter entirely! (I mean “unusual” about the circumstances leading to the sexual encounter, not necessarily the sex itself – vide infra.) Unusual and remarkable circumstances create opportunities for character development. For example, if they are not in fact happily married, or one or both have an ulterior motive (e.g. murder, going on a long journey never to be seen again, etc), or one of them has been kidnapped by aliens and replaced by an identical imposter, etc.

The next important question is: how often should sex occur in a story? This rather depends on what level you are pitching the story. A useful rule of thumb would be as follows:

  • If you are writing Literary Fiction, then – as many times as your manuscript has received rejection letters. *cough* ahem *cough* I mean, as many times as the plot structure dictates.
  • If you are writing “Erotica,” which in modern terms is how smut-merchants sneak blatant pornography under Amazon.com’s radar – once every other page.
  • If, however, you are writing what may quaintly be labelled “Contemporary Romance,” then this will be same as Erotica, except that the sex should be between two characters who love one another.

Thirdly, you need to consider: how much detail should you go into, with any given sex-scene? After careful consideration, I have come up with a fail-proof formula, to wit:

E is proportional to K over T times s

E is proportional to K over T times s

Where

  • E is the total amount of Explicitness;
  • K is how Kinky the whole scene is;
  • T is how much Trouble a reader would be in if they tried out whatever it was in real life; and
  • s is how likely the author would be sued as a result thereof.

Note that in regard to establishing K, the kinkiness of the author’s own sex-life is not a reliable measure!

Instead, the author should think carefully about who his or her intended audience is, and then set the base-level of kinkiness for sex-scenes in the novel as one degree higher than the audience would normally encounter in their own lives. The fact of the matter is that the vast majority of people who read fiction are seldom as perverted as the authors who write it. Instead, they come to fiction for an escapist thrill – i.e. what they would not normally experience, which they find vicariously in the exploits of the fictional characters in the novel. A higher standard is thus expected of writers than readers, as we are expected to carry out literary research!

However, by sticking to this formula one will ensure that vanilla fumblings in the missionary position will not normally detain the reader for more than a sentence or two: but instances of the more recondite positions of the Kama Sutra, or bizarre sexual acts such as those which pass for an ordinary night out at Kenneth Grant’s Typhonian OTO, merit more attention.

The variables T and s represent the fact that sometimes it is possible to go too far, although one has to keep this in perspective.

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Licence To Depart – the new novel by Alex Sumner

Front cover artwork © 2011 by the author.

You are now able to read my brand new novel, Licence To Depart, on Amazon Kindle. The print-edition will be available through Amazon shortly, although it’s available on Lulu now.

“Licence To Depart” is the final instalment of “The Magus Trilogy,” which was begun by The Magus in 2009 and continued by Opus Secunda in 2010. It is a supernatural tale of murder, black magick, and international conspiracy set in contemporary England (and elsewhere), and is suitable for adult readers *. As with previous books it is crammed with detail drawn from the author’s real-life occult experiences.

Nichola Peterson, ex-policewoman is at the lowest point of her fortunes: her career in ruins, forcibly separated from the man she loves, and powerless to stop a criminal mastermind from wreaking havoc. Then the mysterious Magus appears, offering her one last chance of redemption. Suddenly – a shot rings out…

Note that it is not necessary to have a Kindle device to read Kindle e-books! Follow this link for more details.


* OK, ok, I lied when I said my next novel would not contain any sex. If you hadn’t guessed by now, it was an April Fool’s Joke. 🙂

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Women Are Free To Have Sex In English Cathedrals

Good news for women in England today, as well as for those into sacred sexuality! A woman is allowed to have sex in the grounds of an English Cathedral – this is the ruling of a court in Cambridgeshire.

There is one fly in the ointment though – a man will still be prosecuted for it.

In a news report today, a couple were found having sex in the grounds of Ely Cathedral. They were caught and arrested by the police – but only the man was prosecuted at the local magistrate’s court. He was convicted and fined £130, but more seriously he presumably will now be registered as a sex-offender. The woman however was not prosecuted at all!

Now I could say that it would be good to see more women exploiting their new found privileges and perhaps test to see how far the law goes – but that would obviously be crass and out of place. Instead I find it a happy day that, two thousand years after the blatantly hypocritical predicament of the Woman Taken In Adultery, we have now reversed the position so that it is the man who gets a public stoning instead. Hooray for the end of the outrageous sexism that characterised the Piscean Age! 😉

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Sex

You may be amused to know (I certainly was), that according to researchers, the ideal duration for sex is only ten minutes – and anything more than 13 minutes is too long.

!

This would be a source for a great deal of comedy if it were not so tragic. For a start, the methodology of the researchers leaves a lot to be desired. They did not find out the answers to their questions in the usual manner – instead they just went round asking people.

Furthermore, I take umbrage at the assertion that more than 13 minutes is too long. I mean, come on! That’s barely enough time to do it just once! What about foreplay, multiple orgasms, interplay, doing it more than once, afterplay and all that? Claiming that more than 13 minutes is too long almost makes me feel inadequate – for all the wrong reasons.

More seriously though there is an implied criticism of Tantra. This is something which concerns me not just for personal reasons but for professional ones as well: I deliberately incorporate a strong amount of “magick with a K” in my books. The fact of the matter is that when sexual magick is performed properly is it very powerful indeed. I cannot stress this too much. It leads one into a state of magickal consciousness in which one feels one has been handed the key to unlock the mysteries of the entire universe and beyond. It is so powerful that I deliberately want to avoid giving the impression that there may be an upper limit to what may be achieved.

However – very little of this will be experienced by people who merely aspire to ten minutes on average. It has been observed by Nikolas Schreck, author of “Demons of the Flesh,” that sex magic is essentially an elitist path – and, if the researchers mentioned in the article are allowed to define orthodoxy, it is likely to remain so for the near future.

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Opus Secunda – now available on Amazon

Opus Secunda, my new novel, is now available on Amazon.com – http://tinyurl.com/OpusSecundaAmazon

This is the second book in the “Magus Trilogy” and features the continuing adventures of Nichola Peterson, now promoted to Detective Inspector in Scotland Yard’s Homicide Specialist Crimes Directorate – aka “The Murder Squad.” In an adult-themed story, whilst investigating the murder of a top scientist, DI Peterson becomes increasingly involved in Alchemy – in all its forms.

For a free preview of the first chapter, follow this link and enter the password NICHOLA

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New Book!!! Opus Secunda – out now

My new book, Opus Secunda is published today! It is the second book in the “Magus” trilogy.
Cover artwork for Opus Secunda
Cover artwork © 2010, the author.

Nichola Peterson has been promoted to Detective Inspector and, with her new young partner in tow,is assigned to investigate a new murder case: that of a scientist who worked for a top pharmaceutical company. But as she probes deeper, she encounters hostility and intrigue. Her investigation – and her love-life – become increasingly chaotic. And to cap it all: the mysterious Magus re-appears and reveals he was working with the murder-victim on a top-secret project…

This is the second book in the “Magus” trilogy. Suitable for adult readers.

Availability

Both the print and the ebook edition are available from Lulu.com.

The book should be available on Amazon in 6 to 8 weeks (I shall make a further announcement when it is).

Click here for My Lulu Storefront

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Happy Beltaine

I would just like to wish all my readers a happy beltaine. How people traditionally celebrate this varies. If you are cool you go off to the woods for various fertility-related activities. If however you are sad and lonely you can always release your pent up sexual tensions by taking part in a riot or demonstration in a large city.

Hey ho! The trees call…

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The Magus – Available In The UK

Oh Frabjous Day! Calloo, Callay! My latest spell to get lulu.com to buck their ideas up has obviously worked as my debut novel, The Magus, is now available in the United Kingdom from Amazon.co.uk. 🙂 🙂 🙂

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“The Magus” – the debut novel of Alex Sumner

Police are called to a murder scene in Fulham. They find a dead body – but no evidence of murder… Two detectives struggle to understand what has happened. But when they meet a mysterious old man who claims the victim was killed by a Satanist, little do they realise their lives will be changed forever…

Full details here: http://www.lulu.com/content/paperback-book/the-magus/7274304


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