Astrology and Intimacy

OK, somebody asked me a question about Astrology and Intimacy, to wit: “Where should each Sign go to have intercourse?”

Here therefore are summaries for each of the twelve Sun signs.

Aries	Aries Anywhere, as long as it is nearby. Aries Lovers are direct and to the point – once they have decided they are going to have sex, they will not want to waste time going about it. In fact, once aroused, they will be downright impatient! Be sure that the kitchen table is sturdy, and the cushions on your living room settee are washable! More seriously, this gives a great strategy for planning a romantic break with an Aries – wherever you go, always make sure the bedroom is no more than a short distance away e.g. a luxury hotel, etc.
Taurus	Taurus Somewhere cosy and homelike. Of all the signs Taurus is the one who values domestic stability, but more importantly: they want to get married and stay married for life. Therefore, if you have a sexual encounter with a Taurus, you can bet they will be mentally judging your bedroom along the lines of “Would I want to live in this? Can I get used to this?” If you are serious about romancing a Taurus, you will arrange your room and your home generally to give the overwhelming message This is what you can expect all the time in the future when our relationship blossoms. For planning a romantic break, it should be the sort of place that your Taurus will want to go back to every year, e.g. to celebrate your anniversary.
Gemini	Gemini Somewhere stimulating. A Gemini is likely to be very impressed if you have a full home entertainment system installed in your bedroom!
Cancer	Cancer Somewhere which affords privacy. Cancers tend to be sensitive souls. As a crab likes to retreat into its shell when danger threatens, so a Cancer native will want somewhere where they can feel secure. Pick your venue where you are least likely to be disturbed by e.g. neighbours, house-mates, family members, fellow holiday-makers, etc. Cancers also like photographs, antiques, and curios, so these would make ideal bedroom ornaments.
Leo	Leo Somewhere with mirrored ceilings. 😉
Virgo	Virgo Somewhere neat and tidy. It should be clean, well presented, with everything in its place. Make sure you do the housework thoroughly before entertaining a Virgo in your home! Virgo-natives themselves tend to prefer the simple and down to earth touch when it comes to décor (so they are quite literally the polar opposite of Pisces – see below).
Libra	Libra Somewhere which is both interesting and romantic. A bedroom decorated with works of art or other features which stimulate Libra’s sense of aesthetics. If, however, you asked a Libra’s opinion on the matter, they would probably say “Oh, anywhere, I’m not fussed.” Partly because they naturally like to avoid arguments, but more importantly they want to stop wasting time discussing, and get straight down to it!
Scorpio	Scorpio Somewhere which affords privacy – but is fully equipped with satin sheets and even saucy toys. A red room a la Christian Grey, in other words.
Sagittarius	Sagittarius Sagittarius-natives like travelling, so ideal places would be whilst on a romantic cruise, or in the middle of an expedition or camping holiday. Possibly also the Mile High Club or the back of a decent people carrier. A Sagittarius also likes a good party, so somewhere with a party atmosphere would make an ideal date. Your humble author cannot say whether a Sagittarius is most likely to put out in the middle of a party itself, but he will attempt to take a straw poll of people’s signs when he next attends an orgy (all in the name of research, of course). 🙂
Capricorn	Capricorn Somewhere with a fire-escape – so that their lover can make a quick getaway before the Capricorn’s spouse comes home!
Aquarius	Aquarius Somewhere unconventional. Aquarius-natives like a lot of space, both literally and metaphorically, and don’t like to feel boxed in. Large airy rooms are therefore ideal, or even al fresco.
Pisces	Pisces A fantasy location. When planning a honeymoon or romantic break – a Cinderella like castle. Or, on a more day-to-day basis, a bedroom decorated with a dreamy, romantic theme. Luxury jacuzzis or even a water-bed would not go amiss.