The Fool hath said in his heart, “There is no God.”

News today that Stephen Hawking has said God was not necessary for the Universe to be created. Actually it’s not news at all, he’s been saying this for a long time, it’s just that he’s got a book to promote. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

People like Hawking, Dawkins etc always fall into the same trap, no matter which side of the debate they are on, i.e. they assume that if God exists at all, then (a) He created the Universe; and (b) it must be the Judaeo-Christian-Islam model of God. Hence if there is no evidence that the Universe was created by anyone, they assume that God does not exist.

However,if one rejects the Judaeo-Christian-Islam model of God and substitute that of most Pagan religions, one finds that Hawking et al have nothing to say, because one realises that the existence of God does not depend upon Him / Her having created the Universe.

Most forms of Paganism, no matter how disparate, tend to follow the line that the current patron God(dess) of mankind is not the creator of the Universe at all, which was instead created by a more ancient or primordial force. For example: Zeus is the ruler of the Olympus not because he created the Universe but because he took over the role. Odin is the All-Father, not because He created the worlds, but because he is the mightiest of the Aesir.

Thus if Hawking etc were to say to a pagan, there is no evidence that God created the universe – therefore God does not exist – the pagan would send him away with laughter ringing in his ears.

In any case, we should remember that the “Supreme Creator” is only one aspect of Divinity. Another aspect, and one which is probably far more important to most people in their daily lives, is “Supreme Moral Authority,” given that most people are concerned with God’s existence to give meaning to their lives. Prove that there is a Supreme Moral Authority in the Universe and you have proved the existence of God in a far more meaningful and relevant way than any argument based on creationism. In fact – prove that Morality exists in objective terms, and Creationism can go hang altogether!

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Alex answers Your Questions

Just to let you know that if you would like to see future blog posts on a particular subject, drop me a line and I will see what I can do. Click on the “Contact Alex” tab on my website to get in touch. Thanks! 🙂

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Oaths of Secrecy

OK, I am going to wade into a controversial topic here. Firstly let me state my own position clearly: if ever I swore an oath of secrecy, I would never break it ever. However: I see no reason at all why I should keep secret something which is demonstrably public knowledge – it would be an absurdity. So for example if I was chatting about some ritual of an order of which I may or may not be a member with someone, I would be quite happy to discourse at length upon what may be gleaned from published books etc, but it would never occur to me to say something like “Last sunday the Order of XXXX met at such&such Hotel in London to perform YYYY Ritual and there were present His Royal High Prince —-, the famous chef and director of Norwich City FC —–, and —- straight from the premiere of her new movie Salt.” This would quite clearly be going too far. 😉

That being said, here are my most recent ruminations.

Imagine for one moment, that you are an Evil magician, an initiate of the left-hand path, someone who can’t be trusted, etc. In short – a character from one of my novels. Imagine further that you want to form your own magical order, of which you are the head (naturally), in which you intend to engage in all manner of vile and evil practices – the kind of thing that will get you in trouble with the police if they find out. How do you go about recruiting new members, and running such an order?

Clearly, anyone you do recruit, being an evil person like yourself, cannot be trusted. Hence, what you would have to do is to limit the amount of knowledge that a recruit is first given on joining, only admitting them to further portions of knowledge after they have proved reliable and trustworthy. Furthermore, you would swear them to secrecy on first joining, pointing out that the penalties for breaking their oath of secrecy are terrible and severe. Finally, in order to protect the identities of those already in the order including yourself, you might insist on everyone only being known by a pseudonym.

You see what I am getting at? The structure of a strictly hierarchical magical society, with terrible oaths of secrecy and what-not,  is geared not towards white magicians but black magicians. They are the mechanisms which would be used to run a successful black-magical order, not a white-magical one.

In a white-magical order, the teachings of the various grades are not anything to be ashamed of, therefore there would not be such a necessity to keep things strictly secret. One would expect Privacy yes, because otherwise the order would not have any integrity. Also, the fact that the attendees go through very personal experiences when participating in magic.

So: an oath of secrecy which aims at respecting the sensitivity of the members is good. An oath of secrecy which aims at enforcing slavish cult-like obedience is bad. And an oath of secrecy which binds someone to keeping secret that which is palpably public knowledge is a load of complete and utter bollocks.

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How to Be an Ascended Master

Then he took them out as far as the outskirts of Bethany, and lifting up his hands he blessed them. Now as he blessed them, he withdrew from them and was carried up to heaven. They worshipped him and then went back to Jerusalem full of joy; and they were continually in the temple praising God.

Luke 24: 50 – 51.

Looking at the Sophistry the MBW crowd come up with about “Ascension” (nb: MBW = Mind Body Wallet). Apparently this Ascension-lark involves bowing down and worshipping a list of so-called “Ascended Masters.” Yes, such a patriarchal term is still used even though some of them are female: the term “Ascended Mistress” has yet to gain currency I suppose because of the double-entendre.

Anyway: there was me thinking – “What a jolly wheeze it would be if, instead of worshipping an Ascended Master, it was possible to become one instead! Can such a thing be done?” At least according to some schools of Occult thought, the answer is Yes. So, for the benefit of poor benighted humankind, and to the consternation of New Age money-makers everywhere, I present Alex’ Guide to Becoming an Ascended Master.

Qabalah

The Bible itself says very little about Ascension, save for the fact that it is alleged to have happened on three occasions: Enoch, Elijah, and Jesus. Enoch’s ascension is dealt with in one verse of Genesis:

Enoch walked with God. Then he vanished because God took him.

Genesis 5:24.

Jesus’ own experience is recorded in three places: the Gospels of Matthew and Luke, and the Acts of the Apostles.

The most revealing account though is what happened to the prophet Elijah.

Now as they walked on, talking as they went, a chariot of fire appeared and horses of fire, coming between the two of them; and Elijah went up to heaven in the whirlwind.

2 Kings 2:11 (emphasis added).

Now the word “Chariot” (Hebrew: Merkavah) is the clue to what is really going on here: this word was later adopted by proto-Qabalists to denote a species of Mystical ritual. What we now know as Merkavah Mysticism was formulated in the first centuries of the Common Era, although the Hebrew Mystics who did so were aspiring to rediscover the ancient mysteries primarily which enabled the prophet Ezekiel to obtain his visions. I contend that the association with “works of the Chariot” may be extended to Elijah as well.

Hence: Elijah ended his days on Earth whilst engaged in mystical ritual. It should be noted that in the Yoga Tradition it is claimed that great Yogis do much the same thing, where it is called Mahasamadhi, that is – to consciously leave the body whilst in a state of perfected meditation. However, if this is what happened to Elijah though then clearly his heavenly-translation is actually only a metaphor: although his soul would have left his body in a state of perfect meditation, his body itself would be left behind – his Ascension would be akin to an actual death, though no less remarkable in its own way.

Gnosticism

The Gnostics also perceived that Ascension is a matter of undertaking certain mystical rituals, and therefore contrived to speculate what form these rituals might take. One of the finest pieces of Gnostic literature deals directly with this: the Pistis Sophia. In essence this is an account of secret teachings that Jesus gave to the Apostles after the resurrection. The post-resurrection period is stated as lasting some eleven years, not the forty days as is commonly believed in the exoteric Church.

At the end of Jesus’ post resurrection ministry, he Ascended into Heaven … then returned a short-while later to teach the Apostles how He did it.

In order to understand the basic method, one should first be aware of the Gnostic conception of the cosmos. The world of matter is supposedly removed from the Supreme ultimate Divinity: in between are the realms of lesser spiritual beings (“Archons”) who act as barriers or obstacles to Man becoming truly spiritually free, keeping him imprisoned in the physical world. These Archons range from being deliberately evil to morally-neutral, depending on which school of Gnosticism one subscribes to, although one gets the feeling that Gnostic writers tended to gild the lily somewhat when describing how terrible the Archons are in order to emphasise their importance.

According to the Pistis Sophia, Ascension is the method whereby Jesus was able to transcend the world of matter, rise up past and through the barriers administered by the Archons, and commune with the supreme ultimate divinity (referred to in the text as “the First Mystery”) in “Heaven.” NB: in communing with the First Mystery, Jesus becomes One therewith, so that at times he talks of the works of First Mystery in the First Person. The whole implication of the Pistis Sophia being that Gnostic initiates following in Jesus’ footsteps would be able to accomplish the same.

The actual method of the Pistis Sophia is centred on acquiring an ascension-vehicle known as the “Vesture of Light” which, when the initiate is wrapped therein, causes all who see it to perceive only Light itself, not the initiate. The Vesture of Light is imagined as a cloak on which are written the Words of Power which are the key to compelling the Archons to let the initiate pass upwards: ZAMA ZAMA OZZA RACHAMA OZAI.

How is the “Vesture of Light” acquired? The Pistis Sophia is open to interpretation on this point. Jesus acquired His “Vesture of Light” from the First Mystery Itself, although this is a rather circular conception when one considers that in Ascending, Jesus identifies as the First Mystery. In the opinion of G R S Mead, the Pistis Sophia was not meant to be a publicly circulated document, but reserved for initiates. If so, we can infer that there may have been further oral teaching given to Gnostic initiates which was never written down. As to what this oral teaching might be, several modern commentators have reached their own conclusions, as will be noted below.

“Mithraism”

Mead, a keen scholar of Gnosticism and related subjects, was also the first English writer to translate a key ritual of Mithraism which again deals with Ascension – which he describes as the “innermost rite of the carefully guarded secrets of the Mithriaca.”

NB: it is called a Mithraic Liturgy, but this may be misleading. There is no internal evidence in the text to suggest it has to do with Mithras at all! All that is known for certain is that the papyrus in which it is contained dates from the fourth century AD, was written in Greek and derives from Egypt (the timing makes it contemporaneous with the decline of the cult of Mithras).

The ritual itself consists of a certain number of invocations and utterations to be made whilst astrally-projecting into the Higher Realms. The basic idea of memorising a long and complex ritual to be performed in the astral is not too dissimilar to the practice of Merkavah, although the rituals differ in the details. Of modern magicians Julius Evola published a version of this ritual, implying that it may have been practised by his “Ur Group.”

Alchemy

Being the world’s greatest Ipsissimus, it has come to my attention that there is a group doing the rounds claiming to have made contact with the secret chiefs of the so-called third-order. On investigating, it quickly became obvious (i.e. obvious to someone who has the total consciousness of the universe, in other words, not obvious at all) to what they are referring.

The said Group appear to be practising a form of Gnostic ascension à la Pistis Sophia (see above). However they have come up with a radical method of attaining the “Vesture of Light,” by a means of a certain method of what may quaintly be termed “internal alchemy” – or less quaintly – Sex Magick.

I have reason to believe that the group of so-called “secret chiefs” is in fact a genuine organisation (i.e. in the sense that it exists), however: certain public details about it have been deliberately obscured. It is not, for instance, as one rumour goes around the interwebby-thing, the third-order of the Golden Dawn at all, but a highly elite and exclusive group that draw their members from high-degree Memphis-Misraim initiates.

The time, date and place of their meetings, as well as who attends them, are obviously strictly confidential, though the “secrets” are not particularly so: there is nothing there that cannot be gained from cribbing from the works of Kenneth Grant, for example.

I shall say no more on this matter, as I do not wish criticisms against me to “snowball.” 😉

Conclusion

So as you can appreciate, for the practising Occultist, “Ascension” is a goal which may be attained (allegedly) through advanced mystical and theurgic practices. Needless to say, the Qabalistic, Gnostic and (pseudo)-Mithraic methods stop short of the full deal, as in each case the initiate returns to Earth afterwards – at least in the examples that we know about. It is thus a form of shamanic journeying, albeit to the higher as opposed to lower worlds.

It is important to bear in mind at this stage a distinction between the Right and Left Hand Paths when it comes to the matter of Ascension. The aspiration of the Right-hand path practitioner is to undergo an Ascension experience in order to attain the Beatific Vision whilst living, not necessarily to permanently translate to the higher realms. After all, there is a far simpler way to do that, and that is by simply dying.

The practitioner of the Left-Hand Path is in a different position. Whereas one on the RHP automatically assumes that his or her soul is immortal and will survive death anyway, the LHP practitioner has no such guarantee. Thus, the LHP practitioner can be recognised by an obsession with Ascension not to gain the mystical benefits to derive therefrom, but as a means to cheat Death itself.

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Talismans: A Consumer’s Guide

The contentious amulet.

News today in the Daily Telegraph that a magazine advert for an amulet has been banned by the Advertising Standards Agency, because the firm behind it could not prove that angels will protect those who wear it. However, speaking from the point of view of a ceremonial magician, I believe the judgement of the ASA is missing the point. The advert should have been banned not because of lack of proof of angelic protection, but because it is badly designed from an occult point of view.

It is made by a company called the Circle of Raphael, and is described on its website as “The Talisman of the Seven Angels(sic – it would be too much for the Daily Telegraph to know the difference between a Talisman and an Amulet). It is incredibly small – 16mm diameter (10/16” in Imperial) and made of silver, and apparently retails for ÂŁ19 ($30). In the description of the piece there is a certain amount of advertising bumph about “blanket of angelic protection … fantastic results …” etc. Then, however, they get to the details. In attempting to explain the symbols (which are actually letters of the Hebrew Alphabet), they say

Outer Circle contains divine holy words in the form of the eternal name of the Creator as communicated to Moses on Mount Horeb.

Unfortunately there is a little spelling mistake – it says “Eheieh Ashah Eheieh” when it should be “Eheieh Asher Eheieh” – “I Am Who I Am.” In Hebrew the letters Resh and Heh are similar enough for the mistake to be easily made, but it begs the question – do these people really know the Qabalah? And why would they want to charge good money for something with an obvious flaw? The blurb goes on:

The Inner Circle contains the individual Cabbalistic sacred names of each of the seven angels, and inscribed in the very centre the divine life changing word of life itself.

It then proceeds to list the seven planetary Archangels, with fairly traditional attributions (Tzaphqiel is misspelt as Zaphael, but this is a minor quibble). However, when we turn to the picture of the Talisman, the full names of all the Angels are conspicuously absent – there is instead a ring of just seven Hebrew letters surrounding a central eighth. However – trying to give the manufacturers the benefit of the doubt – perhaps they intended just to put the initials of the seven angels? After all, the thing is only 16mm across. Unfortunately though they fail in this as well. Had they been intending this, they should have put:

Planet Saturn Jupiter Mars Sol Venus Mercury Luna
Angel Tzaphqiel
(Zaphkiel)
Tzadqiel
(Zadkiel)
Chamael Michael Haniel Raphael Gabriel
Hebrew Letter Tzaddi Tzaddi Cheth Mem Heh Resh Gimel

What we have instead however is Shin, Peh (sophith), Resh, Heh, Heh, Beth, and Peh (sophith) again. One of the Hehs might actually be a badly done Cheth (but equally it looks just as much like a Tau), but even so we are talking about a three out of seven rate of accuracy.

The presence of the letter Kaph in the centre attempts to defy my powers of reasoning as to why it should be the “Divine Life Changing word of Life” (sic). To give the makers of the talisman even more benefit of the doubt I suppose they might want to attract Jovial influences on the wearer through Kaph’s association with that planet. If however I were asked what the tautologistic Word should be, I would have thought it would be the Tetragrammaton itself, or possibly Ameth (Truth), or even just Chai, which simply means “Life,” which I have seen used in traditional Jewish jewellery designs.

So to summarise: Advertising Standards Agency! When faced with someone selling occult items in the future, come to me, and I will tell you if they are up to standard or not. I undertake to ensure that only people who know their Qabalah will pass my rigorous quality standards! 😉

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Golden Dawn Tattva Cards – Free Download

You may download a free set of Tattva cards, for use in Golden Dawn style clairvoyance experiments, by going to the Articles page of this website. I recommend printing them out on A4 card and laminating them. Enjoy!

Sample: Earth of Water

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Tarot Deck Question

Izabael Da Jinn on her blog writes:

I have pictures of some tarot cards from a japanese game that teaches how to use and read. i believe i have 25 of them not full deck, so my question is this can i use these cards for only my prediction or do i need the whole deck? i do plan on turning these pictures into cards i have some playing cards that isnt a full deck anymore.

The whole deck. The full 78 represent all that is and could possibly be, good and bad, lucky and unlucky, etc. Hence by only working with 25 one is stuck with one or both of two possibilities: the reading made from such a deck will be limited in its outlook compared to a 78 card deck – or the reading will unrepresentative compared to a 78 card deck.

Of these two the second reason is less compelling an argument than the first, because during the history of the tarot, there have been examples of spreads published in which only the twenty two major arcana are used: the minor arcana are excluded from the shuffle. Conversely, “Fortune Telling by Playing Cards” is really little different from using only the Minor Arcana without the Major Arcana (except there would be three court cards in each suit instead of four). What can be drawn from all this is that there is some historical precedent for not working with a full 78 card deck all the time, but there is always a consistent reason for only including some cards and not others, so that the cards which are used do present a representative sample of the Universe in snapshot. (It is not something I would generally do myself).

What I do object to, and what really gets my Goat, is the practice that some Tarot readers allegedly indulge in, that of removing all the nasty cards from the Tarot deck, so that they don’t ever come up with a reading which is in anyway untoward. This is the sort of Fluffiness that makes a laughing stock of serious Tarot reading. Do these people think, for example, that by removing the 10 of Swords, the card of ruin and catastrophe, they will save their querent from it? Ruin and catastrophe happen in real life, hence the 10 of Swords (and every other seemingly nasty card) needs to stay in the deck for that reason. In any case, the whole point of a tarot reading is that they are symbols of what may happen in the future, so if a nasty card does turn up, that is a warning sign to change ones ways in order to avoid that particular outcome.

I think these pseudo-tarot readers must be doing it because they fear losing money if they give a reading people do not like, rather than the integrity of the art of tarot.

So to summarise: only work with a deck which is representative – I personally would use a full 78 card deck all the time.

Izabael also writes:

(off-topic) Any ideas how get the picture to fit the cards perfectly before printing?

Make a Wizard appear to do it for you – by selecting all the image files and (in Windows Vista and 7) right-clicking & selecting print. A similar Wizard can be used in XP by selecting the image files, right-clicking, selecting “Preview” and printing from there.

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Vivid Dreams ‘Improve Our Memories’

A response to a story in the Daily Telegraph that REM sleep (i.e. the sleep wherein dreams occur) helps improve memories.

Vivid Dreams 'improve our memories' - Daily Telegraph

Firstly the evidence presented in the article actually tends to indicate nothing of the sort. The experiment was to give volunteers a logical test, then allow them to go to sleep for a while, experiencing REM sleep, and give them a similar test on waking. The results tended to show that their performance improved as compared to volunteers who had not had REM-sleep, or volunteers who had only rested lightly.

This is not a test of memory! It’s a test of cognitive ability! It’s not evidence to show that memory is affected one way or another! I.e. if I was presented with the question solve 2x+4=36 I don’t have to “remember” that the answer is x=16 I can work it out ab initio.

There are other criticisms that can be raised with the article: for example it does not say whether there was a control group of volunteers who were given no instructions whatsoever as to how to spend their time between taking the tests; nor does it specify whether the study was double-blinded i.e. the people administering the tests kept sufficiently in the dark so they they themselves would not affect the outcomes. This is not necessarily a criticism of the scientists themselves, it may just be the way the article was written up in a newspaper for mass consumption.

Nevertheless, despite my critical tone, in my capacity as  a Lucid Dreamer, I am pleased that this research has been done, and I hope it represents a step-forward for enabling lucid dreaming to be appreciated more fully. It would be quite nice from my own point of view if it were proved that dreaming improves cognitive abilities, as this would be an excuse to promote the benefits of lucid dreaming, which is the conscious control of the dream faculty.

What I find ironic is that in my experience, it is not vivid dreams which improve the memory but the other way round: memory-improving or training techniques improve the vividity of dreams. When starting out attempting to lucid dream, complete novices are often faced with the problem of not being able to remember their dreams, or in fact whether they had any or not. However – the act of making a conscious effort to remember them actually causes the dreams to become more vivid and thus memorable. Usually it takes only a few days to notice a marked improvement.

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El AdivinaciĂłn en el Aurora Dorada

A translation of Divination in the Golden Dawn for Spanish speaking readers. May need proofing.


En el Aurora Dorada uno piense sobre todo de la adivinación como geomancia, astrología y el tarot.

“AdivinaciĂłn” en sĂ­ es un concepto antiguo – y sĂłlo por volver a ver lo que las fuentes antiguas sobre el tema, dijo que uno llega a darse cuenta de lo importante que es en realidad. Una de las autoridades mĂĄs importantes era un antiguo adepto conocido como JĂĄmblico, que vivĂ­a en el cuarto y siglos III dC, y que escribiĂł un influyente trabajo enormemente conocido como “TeĂşrgia, o en los Misterios de Los Egipcios.” Era un neo- platĂłnico: ĂŠl tambiĂŠn admitiĂł haber sido influenciado por la HermĂŠtica, y sus escritos han influido en toda la tradiciĂłn occidental Misterio, incluyendo la Aurora Dorada.

Esto es lo que JĂĄmblico tenĂ­a que decir sobre el tema:

En primer lugar, entonces, te preguntas por que se le explicarĂĄ a ti con todo detalle quĂŠ es lo que tiene lugar en el pronosticar el futuro. No es posible exponer a la vez lo que se te tratando de aprender. Pues de acuerdo con la esencia de la pregunta, te imaginas algo asĂ­ en el arte de pronosticar: como que se genera, y algo que existe en el reino de la naturaleza. Pero no es una de las cosas que se generan, ni lo que es una mutaciĂłn natural cumple determinadas, ni algĂşn producto ingenioso que se ha inventado para fines Ăştiles en la vida cotidiana – ni, en definitiva, es un logro humano en absoluto, sino divina , y mĂĄs allĂĄ del reino de la naturaleza, y de haber sido enviado desde el cielo, ingĂŠnito y eterno, es natural que ocupa el primer lugar.

“Divino, y mĂĄs allĂĄ del reino de la naturaleza” – que de hecho es por eso que lo llaman “adivinaciĂłn” – porque lo que realmente estamos tratando de hacer no es sĂłlo descubrir el futuro, sino para descubrir lo que es la Voluntad de lo Divino en cualquier dada la situaciĂłn.

En otras palabras: cuando se elabore una carta astrolĂłgica – su primer pensamiento no debe ser que usted estĂĄ buscando en una disposiciĂłn arbitraria de las estrellas y los planetas – usted estĂĄ en el hecho, la lectura de un mensaje enviado a usted desde el Creador del cosmos. Cuando se roba una carta del tarot, usted no estĂĄ buscando a un pedazo de cartĂłn con unas fotos bonitas, pero en una comunicaciĂłn de que el universo mismo. Y lo mas importante – cuando experimenta la chispa de la intuiciĂłn que abre el significado interno de una tirada de Tarot o carta astral o figura geomĂĄntica, no es sĂłlo un proceso psicolĂłgico que implica la interacciĂłn de su mente consciente e inconsciente, de hecho es lo Divino Voluntad misma hablando con usted.

Es cierto adivinaciĂłn, por lo tanto, es lo que hace magia en Teurgia. Por ejemplo: supongamos que tiene una idea de lanzar un conjuro o un talismĂĄn para consagrar algĂşn propĂłsito. Lo que usted debe hacer es realizar siempre una adivinaciĂłn de antemano, preguntando: “ÂżEs esto una buena idea?” Y a menudo es el caso de que una adivinaciĂłn dirĂĄn “No, no es una buena idea”, o “TraerĂĄ imprevistas consecuencias sobre “, o incluso:” Va a llevar a consecuencias que probablemente podrĂ­a haber previsto si fueron brutalmente honesto consigo mismo. “Y asĂ­, sobre la base de que usted modificar su intenciĂłn original a la luz de la adivinaciĂłn, o incluso lo abandonan por completo. Se puede ir en contra de tu ego, y ser una molestia, pero tiene que hacer. Cuando haga su prĂĄctica mĂĄgica alinearse con la Voluntad Divina a travĂŠs de la adivinaciĂłn, que estĂĄn entrando en una relaciĂłn armĂłnica con el universo. Sin embargo, si usted no hace caso y AdivinaciĂłn sĂłlo seguir adelante sin tener en cuenta, que usted estĂĄ haciendo nada mejor que la brujerĂ­a, y, probablemente, atrayendo a un montĂłn de desagradables efectos kĂĄrmicos a ti mismo.

AsĂ­ que: siempre lo hacen adivinaciĂłn con la intenciĂłn de tratar de descubrir la voluntad de lo divino – la fortuna no sĂłlo diciendo. TrĂĄtelo como una ciencia divina – Considerando sus cartas del tarot y las cartas que elaborar como objetos sagrados, si le ayuda a reforzar estos conceptos. Y cuando a discernir un mensaje que llega a usted de sus esfuerzos en la adivinaciĂłn, lo trata con el respeto que se merece y no lo ignore.

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World Cup Astrology – Yet Another Post Mortem

The German soccer team resorted to superstitious practices to beat England in the World Cup – they consulted PhD students who identified a number of fundamental mistakes that the team was repeatedly making. Pah! What an amateur approach! They should have used Astrology like I did! Far more reliable and a lot less effort. Never mind about Stevie G wandering in-field instead of staying on the wing, and all that malarchy. The fact that Fabio Capello’s native Sun squared both the transiting Saturn and Jupiter (+Uranus) told me straight away that he was not going to come out of the World Cup covered in glory.

Not that I’m saying that I would have helped Joachim Low instead of those PhD Students – I do have some sense of patriotism.

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