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December 18, 2018 · 2:59 pm

Manchester United Appoint Sorcerer as their New Manager

Alex Sumner, novelist and writer on the Occult and now Football manager as well!

MANCHESTER – Officials at Old Trafford today have named José Mourinho’s replacement as Alex Sumner, following the former’s sudden sacking today.

Alex Sumner is a novelist and writer on the Occult. He published his first novel, The Magus in 2009. His latest novel, Eternal Witch, was published earlier this year.

When asked on his qualifications, Alex said:

“Well, someone said they were desperate to bring a load of red devils under control, so I immediately said, ‘Aha! I’m your man!’

“I don’t intend to use traditional coaching techniques to win matches. Instead, I’ll be evoking my old friend Andromalius to reclaim all the success that has been stolen from United; Orobas to win honours for the team; and Paimon to bind the referees from making unfavourable decisions.

“I admit I haven’t got a clue about football management at Premiership level, or indeed at any level. But on the plus side that at least gives me more chance than the last two cretins they had in the job.”

Look there’s a demon right there! If that’s not a Goetic symbol, nothing is! 😉

Alex is into Polyglottory

There was a time when I thought that I knew or possessed all there was to know about the occult, and I thought, “Is that it?”

I was wrong.

The fact is that although one may be tempted to assume that Aleister Crowley and the Golden Dawn between them dispose of the majority of the occult teachings of the present day, there is a vast amount of material out there of equal if not greater quality, which seldom gets talked about. The truth of the matter is that Crowley and the GD only account for the majority of the occult in the English language. If, however, you want to venture outside the influence of the Anglophone sphere, there is a trove waiting to be discovered.

In this respect, the most important foreign languages for an English-speaking occultist are not Hebrew, Coptic and Enochian, but French, German and Italian. There is a large corpus of marvellous occult material in these languages, but because it has never been translated into English, most people in English-speaking countries have never heard of it. It is of course possible that there is yet more in other languages.

I currently am busy translating a load of French rituals into English. To save time I am attempting to use an automatic translation program – but then proof-read the results thoroughly to get the correct nuances and iron out the inevitable errors that these things throw up. One trivial example: the French word Gardien means “Guardian” but also “goalkeeper.” I am therefore having to deal with a French ritual for attaining Knowledge and Conversation of one’s Holy Goalkeeper Angel 🙂