Tag Archives: April Fool’s Day

SpirituAll 2014

The Tattershall Castle

The Tattershall Castle, the venue for SpirtuAll 2014

No matter what tradition you practice, you will not want to miss the 2014 SpirituAll Spring gathering of traditions – the world’s first day long gathering of potential customers *Ahem* “practitioners” from the length and breadth of the British Isles.

In about the year 1990, novelist and world’s greatest expert on the occult ALEX SUMNER began going out to the pub … legally. In 2014 he has decided to invite fellow occultists to come out drinking with him on Saturday 5th April, at the Tattershall Castle, on the banks of the River Thames, from 12pm onwards (nearest tube: Embankment). Spiritual seekers come from all across the world, although realistically they will only do so if they happen to be in London, England that weekend.

YOU too are invited – no matter what sort of Spirituality you practice. Hey, if you’re willing to buy one of Alex’ books, he’s not proud!!!

Adjacent to the Tattershall Castle are London’s West End and all of the capital’s famous landmarks, so theoretically you don’t have to stay all day drinking at the venue, but could make a day out of it.

The venue is a fully fledged pub and restaurant. Instead of a sky-clad hot-tub, it’s right on the River Thames itself! You can go skinny-dipping if you want, I’m sure the river police will only be too happy to turn a blind-eye.

Here is the present gathering schedule:

  • Alex gets a round in – just before people actually start arriving for the event!
  • Lunch
  • Alex tries to sell people his books.
  • Depending on how much money he has got from the previous item, Alex might get a round in properly this time.
  • Gossiping about everything that is wrong with the current occult scene, freemasonry, fluffy-bunny neo-pagans, Nick Farrell, etc.
  • Alex does Tarot readings.
  • Depending on how much money he makes from the Tarot readings, Alex may get another round in.
  • Alex will demonstrate a fearsome Enochian ritual for opening a Hell-mouth in the middle of the bar.
  • Alex will be escorted from the venue by the security staff and handed over to the Police.
  • Alex will cunningly slip the Police the old funny hand-shake.
  • Alex will be escorted back into the venue by the rozzers, just in time to get yet another round in.
  • etc etc etc

See you there!!! 🙂


Filed under Uncategorized

Alex Sumner: “My next novel won’t contain any Sex.”

Author Alex Sumner today revealed details about the new novel on which he is working.

“There was far too much sex in my first two novels, and I have therefore decided that there will not be even the merest suggestion of it in my work in the future. I realised that I wasn’t just an author of lusty tales of horror and the Occult – I am also a role-model for young people. Therefore I had to use my work to promote responsible behaviour at all times.

“Hence: the lead character will remain both chaste and sober, and will successfully resist temptation from anyone trying to lead her into sin. Furthermore, in order to promote the sanctity of marriage, she will most definitely not engage in pre-marital or extra-marital relationships of any kind.

“I have recently come to believe that the portrayal of women in fiction as independent, liberated and not beholden to any other person including their husband is just plain wrong, as it leads to all manner of licentious behaviour.

“This is due in no small part to my recently turning away from the Occult, and finding my true path as an extreme right-wing fundamentalist Christian. Hence – the hero in my new novel will turn out to be a Southern Baptist Minister, and any and all pagans in the novel will be depicted as evil, ugly, sexually-repressed playthings of Satan.

“Furthermore: in token of my new found life-path, I have decided to burn my entire collection of books relating to the Golden Dawn, Astrology, Yoga, Tantra, Paganism, Tarot, Franz Bardon, Dion Fortune, Mouni Sadhu, Lon Milo Duquette, Pat Zalewski, Poke Runyon, and Chic & Tabatha Cicero; and I have made a great bonfire of all my magical paraphernalia, robes, tools, talismans and my Tarot decks as well. I also burned my copy of the Jerusalem Bible, as it is well known that any other translation of the Good Book apart from the King James Version is doctrinally unsound, and tends to lead people to Satan.”


Filed under Books, Licence To Depart