Tag Archives: nobel peace prize

Alex Sumner: Nobel Laureate

Back in 2009, I called into question Barack Obama’s winning of the Nobel Prize, on the grounds that he had only been in office for two weeks before nominations closed. The point being that according to Alfred Nobel’s will, the prize was meant to be awarded for work in the past year. I also pointed out that if the Nobel Committee were wiling to award so much money to someone who hadn’t actually done anything, then I was prepared to do nothing for world peace, whilst charging a considerably smaller rate for my services.

Now, at long last, the Nobel Committee have taken me up on my offer and awarded me the Noble Peace Prize! I shit ye not: they say they have awarded it to the EU, but the EU say they are accepting it on behalf of their 500 million citizens: which includes me!

May I just say that so long as the Nobel Committee pay for my air-fare, board and lodging, I will be happy to fly to Oslo to accept the Prize on the EU’s behalf. 🙂

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Burn Da Herb, Not Da Quran

Burn Da Herb, Not Da Quran

So there I was, reading this story about this guy in Florida who says he is going to burn 200 copies of the Quran on the anniversary of the September 11th bombings this Saturday – in protest. This has of course brought world wide protest from just about everyone, Christian, Muslim and others, world leaders, and even General Petraeus who is concerned about the safety of his troops in Afghanistan.

I thought to myself – surely there must be something better to burn than the Quran? Obviously not one of the world’s Holy Books … aha – the Sacred Herb of Rastafarianism – Ganja! That is meant to be burnt! And, what is more, instead of stirring up hatred and discord, the act of burning Ganja will do the exact opposite. Result!

First I thought this was just a flippant idea, but then I thought this would be a good way to start an international peace movement. I have therefore founded a Facebook Group: Burn Da Herb, Not Da Quran, so that people can register their support.

I invite you all to click on the above link to join, and why not invite your friends to join as well? Thanks! 🙂


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Alex is still committed to World Peace!

Further to my blog-post in October, it appears that Barack Obama having angered everyone else at getting the Nobel Prize for just 11 days work, is now angering the Norwegians as well – by trying to spend as little time in their country as possible. Talk about ingratitude!

I would just like to make it clear to the people of Norway that if you awarded me the Nobel Peace Prize, I, unlike certain Presidents of the USA I could mention, would just love to have lunch with King Harald and to attend all the other jollies you put on. And of course, I am willing to do it for a slightly lower bribe than you backhanded to Obama ahem I mean I don’t care so much about the prize-money. JEG ELSKER NORGE!!! 🙂

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More Ig-Nobel Shenanigans

But this time the Norwegians are not responsible

Reading a hilarious piece in the New York Times about how a couple of physicists are predicting that all attempts to observe the Higgs-Boson particle under experimental conditions are being sabotaged from the future … by the effect of supposedly successfully observing the Higgs-Boson particle under experimental conditions. I.e. the HB-particle is doing the equivalent of travelling back in time and killing its grandfather. Whilst the concept of a particle creating a backward ripple in time is mildly-intriguing, the actual methodology proposed to prove the theory is only slightly less bizarre than the empirical data cited in support of it.

Essentially, the paper written by the physicists goes, if the HB-particle really is sabotaging its own discovery – for example, by causing governments to cut funding to high-energy physics experiments, getting scientists arrested as members of Al Qaeda, etc – then it will deliberately cause the most improbable situation to occur in order to do so. For example, if the decision whether to resume experiments with the Large Hadron Collider were to be made to depend on a card-drawing experiment, the HB-particle will cause the one card in the deck which denotes “do not resume the experiments” to be drawn. This, the physicists argue, would be so even if the deck in question consisted of a million-cards, 999,999 of which were “resume” cards and 1 “don’t resume.”

It is at this point that I spotted the flaw in the physicists’ theory. Not the fact that they were pair of complete barking mad fruit-loops who give Science a bad name: rather – that they had missed a prime chance to turn this into a money-making opportunity.

Card-drawing experiment? Card-drawing experiment??? I can think of a much better idea. One of the authors of the paper, Holger B Nielsen, is actually an employee of CERN, and so presumably would be influential in actually carrying out the LHC experiments. Therefore, all he has to do is to buy a ticket in the Euromillions lottery with the firm intention that if he wins the mega-jackpot he is going to quit his job and retire. Because it is in the HB-particle’s interest that Dr Nielsen be removed from his post at CERN, then surely it will help him win the lottery!

But hang on – Nielsen and his co-author Masao Minimoya have entered a Euro-lottery, albeit where the prize for being right is not quite the scale of the actual Euromillions jackpot but is still a fair old whack. I am talking of course about the Nobel Prize for Physics. If by some extraordinary fluke that Nielsen and Minimoya are proved right, then the implications will be so astounding that they must surely merit it.

Now readers of my previous blog entries will know that I have had some choice words to say about the Nobel Peace Prize – however, this one is completely different. For a start, it is judged by a Swedish panel not Norwegian (the Royal Swedish Academy of Sciences). Moreover, assuming that Nielsen and Minimoya could provide convincing proof that they are correct, that would be hard evidence that they did in fact deserve it.

Of course it could turn out that the LHC fails without providing the proof that Nielsen and Minimoya so desire, in which case this could be evidence that the God-particle has a sense of humour.

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Alex is committed to World Peace

On the left, President Barack Obama (USA). On the right, Prime Minister Jens Stoltenberg (Norway). One of these is the most influential man in the world.

The recent uproar over this year’s Nobel Peace Prize has prompted yours truly to look more deeply into the matter. The criteria for the Prize are:

“The capital shall be invested by my executors in safe securities and shall constitute a fund, the interest on which shall be annually distributed in the form of prizes to those who, during the preceding year, shall have conferred the greatest benefit on mankind. The said interest shall be divided into five equal parts, which shall be apportioned as follows: … one part to the person who shall have done the most or the best work for fraternity among nations, for the abolition or reduction of standing armies and for the holding and promotion of peace congresses.”

Alfred Nobel’s will (emphasis added).

The prize physically consists of a nice gold medal, and approximately $1.5 million dollars in cash. It is officially awarded on the 10th December each year (the anniversary of Nobel’s death), but the deadline for nominations to be received is several months earlier – in fact it is February 1st each year. Now, here is the funny thing: Barack Obama only became President of the United States on January 20th 2009 (or if you want to be pedantic and say he got the words wrong when he took the inauguration oath the first time, January 21st 2009). Furthermore, Alfred Nobel’s will specifically says it must only be awarded for work done in the preceding year, not for the results Obama is expected to achieve in the future. You see what this means?

Barack Obama is being awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for doing just 11 days “work.”

This is the equivalent of being paid approximately $140,000 per day for not doing anything. It was at this point in my researches that if I had had sufficient taste in music, I would have started hearing Billie Holiday singing “Nice work if you can get it.” I am glad to say that I am cultured enough not to have started singing “Money For Nothing” by Dire Straits. Instead, all I heard was a lot of cash-registers going “Kerching!”

Now, call me cynical, but if some secretive organization pays a high-ranking politician $1.5 million on the flimsiest of pretences, that is technically known as a bribe. The Nobel Prize Committee is quite shamelessly trying to influence President Obama’s future policy direction by paying him loads of money, and what is more, they are being quite blatant about it. Had this been someone like the Bilderberg Organisation doling out the wonga everyone would be shouting “New World Order!” But because the Nobel Prize has the sheen of respectability (the omission of Mahatma Gandhi notwithstanding), they seem to get away from the taint of accusations of conspiracy.

So who are these members of the Nobel Peace Prize Committee? Alfred Nobel’s will goes on to specify that they are five people appointed by the “Storting” i.e. the Norwegian Parliament. The Storting is currently dominated by the so-called “Red-Green Coalition” (which maintained its grip on power after this year’s general election), which is a grouping of three left-wing and left-of-centre parties: the Socialist Labour Party, the Labour Party (the largest group in the three), and the Centre Party. The leader of the coalition and thus the Prime Minister is Jens Stoltenberg, the head of the Labour Party, who was also the incumbent before the recent election.

Now, call me cynical in Norwegian, but it seems to me that if the Storting appoints the committee which decides the Nobel Peace Prize, then its composition cannot fail to reflect the influence of Jens Stoltenberg’s government. And, what do you know? The recipients in recent years are people who have generally held views coinciding with Stoltenberg’s brand of centre-left politics. Had this year’s recipient been someone who had actually done stuff in the past year, it could justifiably have been argued that this simply reflects the fact that the majority of Norwegians are naturally inclined to that view of international relations. However, the fact that this year the Nobel Peace Prize has spectacularly come a cropper suggests that other considerations are at work, e.g. the Nobel Peace Prize committee is cynically trying to influence the direction of US policy, or that Stoltenberg is pathetically trying to curry favour with the new US President.

Hence, I therefore say to the people of the World generally, Norway specifically, and Prime Minister Stoltenberg in particular:

  • I, Alex Sumner, hereby fully commit myself to the cause of World Peace.
  • I have not actually done anything in particular for world peace, but as events have shown, this is not necessarily a bar to consideration and, what is more,
  • My rates for not doing anything are considerably cheaper than President Obama’s. I am prepared to go as low as accepting $100,000 a day, and will limit my “working” days to no more than the last guy’s.
  • I really appreciate the Christmas Tree you guys in Norway send us every year. Honestly, Trafalgar Square just would not look the same without it.
  • I will of course continue to work for World Peace at least as hard as President Obama has done after receiving the 2010 Nobel Peace Prize; and lastly and most importantly

The opinions expressed in this article are complete bullshit, but hey! If I am going to monetize my blog, I have got to find some way to attract traffic to it.


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