There is a sinister Halloween conspiracy afoot. It is a truly insidious attempt to subvert this traditional holiday and turn it into something evil. As far as I am aware, this has never been talked about publicly before, so powerful is the wall of silence surrounding this dastardly scheme. This conspiracy is so disturbing it makes the members of the Warren Commission look like pillars of rectitude, and the extraordinary renditions of British citizens to Libya during Tony Blair’s time in office as UK Prime Minister nothing more than an attempt to send these people on holiday.
However, that is all about to change as I, Alex Sumner, the World’s Greatest Conspiracy Theorist, now blow the gaffe on the great Halloween Conspiracy. What is fundamental to understand is that this particular conspiracy is being perpetrated by an unholy partnership of Christians and secular groups on Wiccan, Pagans, Occultists – and indeed other Christians.
I shit ye not! This all occurred to me when I was pondering why there has been a move away from traditional Halloween costumes in recent years towards costumes which are not particularly scary at all. Heidi Klum’s effort to look like a dead-body is probably the worthiest Halloween costume that your humble blogmaster has seen this year: it is not only a highly artistic effort, but splendidly enters into the macabre spirit of things. Other costumes however seem to be missing the point of Halloween, with a lot of people under the impression that all that is required is “fancy dress.”
I have said this before, but for the avoidance of doubt I will say it again: a costume is only an authentic Halloween costume if it amounts to a disguise – i.e. so that if an evil spirit came along, it would not recognise you. This is how the tradition of wearing costumes Halloween derives from the pagan celebration of Samhain.
That’s when it hit me: the move from traditional scary costumes to non-traditional fancy dress is a deliberate ploy to take the “Samhain” out of “Halloween” ! Now a lot of Christian Fundamentalists simply come out and say: “Don’t celebrate Halloween, because it’s Satanic,” and all they achieve is they manage to publicise the pagan festival which is its origin. However: the Halloween Conspiracy seeks to spread the idea that Halloween is not about scary costumes but about fancy dress – and hence subtly sever the associations to Samhain. It is in fact the Pagan equivalent of All Souls’ Day, the day of honouring ones deceased relatives. I believe the ancient Church recognised this and deliberately chose to mark All Souls’ Day as close to Samhain as possible (November 2nd) for this very reason.
By severing the connection between Halloween and Samhain, it plays partly into Christian hands who find a secular fancy dress holiday more palatable than one associated with wrongly-so-called Satanic imagery. However, far more pernicious is the fact that it also plays into the hands of secular-politically-correct-atheistic-liberal-consensus that is uncomfortable with any mention of spirituality whatsoever.
Hence: what Christians and Pagans should be doing is, instead of fighting each other, join forces to combat the growing rise of secularism. This can only be done by Christians embracing the scary imagery, and by pagans realising that Christians are not necessarily the enemy but potential allies in the cause of Keeping Samhain Spiritual.